Sunday, January 24, 2016

Funny (or Terrifying) Disney Freeze Frames: Part 5

This time let us look at The Lion King, The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride, and The Lion King 1 1/2.

Plot Twist: Simba decides not to become King or run away after his father's death but instead goes to dental school, Scar having had lifelong dental problems is pleased when Simba finally corrects his dental issues and decides to let Simba stay on as the royal dentist. Due to his having such close proximity to his Uncle, Simba advises Scar on ecological practices that his own father had begun to instill in him before he passed on. Scar having grown close to Simba admits that his ideas are worth looking into, and as a result the Pride Lands all flourish, the lions and the hyenas all live together in peace. Eventually Simba is allowed to marry Nala--which the fact that there are already two male lions is impressive enough but this is unprecedented--and he and Nala soon have a daughter Kiara. Kovu is still adopted by Scar but due to the character change in Scar and his main lioness Kovu does not become tempted by the darkness, but instead goes on to be Scar's successor and he and Kiara become the next King and Queen of Pride Rock. Everyone lives happily ever after--outside of the mourning of Mufasa--and there are no lions banished and no lion wars... all because Simba chose dentistry over going rouge outside the Pride Lands.

Some secrets should never be told... Simba may never recover from the shock of what he has learned, but he will never reveal the secret to anyone else, so will YOU recover from your curiosity?

That moment when you lose a bet with your best friend but refuse to let them see that you are bummed out with seeing their laughing at your expense.

One word will suffice for Simba's hair: humidity. *sure Simba...sure*

When you try to act out a scene about your favorite and just look like you are insane.

When you hear someone at the door and you are in the middle of rinsing your mouth.

After you have made a meal for company, you're all clean and dressed, and you cannot help but hopefully look on as you show off your masterpiece. "Will they like it? What if they hate it? What if it is the worst thing they have ever had and my whole day has been wasted? They will never speak to me again. I spent all of that money on groceries and then I turned it into this thing. What if I poison my guests? I will go to prison. I will become an outcast. My life is over! I have ruined my life! Oh wait, you like it... okay, thanks."

When your friend distracts the teacher while you do something totally detention worthy.

That moment when someone has asked you to repeat yourself three times already and they still don't know what you said. you want them to just drop it but they wont, and you are ready to slap them... instead you remain calm and you subtly behave very rudely as you overly enunciate every syllable and look at them like they are inept.

"Oh no you didn't!"

Choking, fear, or the sudden realization that you are ruining your life? What is your guess?

Scar was busy looking at pictures of glitter covered unicorns when she crept up on him, but there was no way Scar was going to let her know his secret... no way! 

Simba wasn't killed. Simba wasn't kidnapped by evil monkeys? It was a warthog and... what is that species again. Oh well, Simba's alive!

Bum protection initiated.

Play it cool, just play it cool.

"I can show you the waterbuffalo, running, stampeding, they're splended... tell me Pumba now when did you last run in terror today? A whole new stampede,  a thrilling race, a wondrous chase, for yooouuuu and meeeeee." 

When the food your waiter brings is less than appetizing but you don't want to point it out.

This is the moment that Simba tried to be cool in front of Kiara's new boyfriend Kovu.

When Simba's friends make plans they know he will hate but ignore that fact he tries to remain calm but... he had planned on staying home and binge watching his favorite telli show.

That moment when lion behavior doesn't translate due to a basic differential in size. Note to Simba, if your tongue is as big as the animal you are thinking about licking, don't lick them.

COOONNNNNNGGGGGGAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

When your life makes no sense and you just need a moment to refocus.

No one wants to see Zazu in the shower... no one! Ever! If it causes someone to enter Pumba's mouth to escape--knowing how my grubs he eats and his hygiene levels--then you know it's bad!

"I have contemplated the worth of your existence and have found that it is negative five." -Rafikki
"You didn't... you didn't just go there." -Simba
*it's on like Donkey Kong

Don't be such a drama lioness.

All of these years everyone thought that Rafikki was simply a very wise creature who meditated and talked to the great kings of the past... really he just used it as an excuse to get some much needed alone time away from emotionally needy animals.

When you are haunted by an inept ghost.

That moment when you thought you were home alone so you got into your old pj's, forwent a much needed shower, and binged on junk food, only to find that your roommates had the exact same idea. The smell, the visual, the horror of the knowledge that both of you are the same... there is no coming back from that I am afraid.

When you think you know something but then someone asks you to explain it.

Some days Pumba has the weight of the world on his shoulders, poor soul.

When someone puts an air-horn behind your door handle.

When Simba decides to sing Dancing Queen everyone knows a pain far greater than could ever be imagined by mortal man.

Five minutes into her father's 'brief' explanation of how he too was once a foolish young lion cub.

That moment when the ground you are walking on turns out to be a predator out to eat you. Because we can all relate to this, am I right?

Finally he has perfected his contortion act of carrying his head. Now his mother will finally see that he is capable of being king.

When Kiara and Kovu learn of the many different lion cub recipes they have nightmares for months--too bad they didn't know this was simply a joke and he is a vegetarian. Do some adults not realize that children take most things seriously?

"I'm walkin' on sunshine, whooaaaaa, I'm walkin' on sunshine, whooaaaaaaaa, I'm walkin' on sunshine..." -Kiara
"Whoever came up with that song has a death wish." -Kovu

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